Is It You?

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I’m sorry as I even think about the words it will take to write this post. I’d like to think that words matter. I’d like to think that maybe words can make a person consider the way he or she is living the precious life they’ve been given to get this short time here on earth right. We are meant to love one another. Is it possible for a heart to have the desire to fight and the desire to love at the same time? I watch countless people I know and love fight about politics. I sit back and see them engage and even fight total strangers. Everything they post revolves around something so insignificant and shallow. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be informed and do our civic duty to vote but I believe more than ever we are born to love and bring peace and to display that so strongly that others will be called to do the same. It breaks my heart that people are so engaged in nonsense that they are not available to be the love for the people who need them…people right in front of them in desperate need for a kind word or some kind of support. Although they may not miss an opportunity on Facebook to lash out, they certainly miss out on their gift to reach out. How can people not see it? I’m not judging, but rather pointing out some things that really break my heart. Is your inclination to hurt or help? Divide or unify? Bring stress or bring peace? We really need to take a step back and ask, who am I? Do I like this person I am becoming?

My hope is these words get to the eyes who are meant to read them. I hope someone’s heart softens, that their eyes are enlightened and that their ears open to hear the truth that can save them from themselves. Is it you? Only you know.

You Cannot Get Apple Juice From a Banana. 

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I remember the first time I started listening to Wayne Dyer and I heard the question about squeezing the orange. The question was simple. When you squeeze an orange, what do you get out of it? Silly I thought. Everyone knows the answer is orange juice. Only it wasn’t that simple at all. Often I have asked myself this same question. Kim, if I give you a squeeze what will come out? I shudder to think of the answer. The truth hurts sometimes but is necessary to keep in tune with what is going on in the inside. I know all too well when it’s ugly in there because no matter what I do to make myself look good, when I look in the mirror the outside looks ugly too. Add that to the negativity coming at me from every direction and what I end up with ain’t that pretty. My reflection in the mirror is directly connected to how I fell on the inside. I can say people make me this way or that but the truth is you cant get apple juice from a banana. I know I can’t blame anyone else for is what is already eating me away on the inside. I know I am  sour but the question is, how can change the contents? How can I dump this crap out and start all over so who I really am can live inside again?

Today, I challenge you to answer this? If I gave you a squeeze, what would come out? 

Promise

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There is something so promising and so peaceful about the early morning light. That golden glow softly whispers a message of hope and fills me with the courage and confidence to go forward with a good attitude to face another day. It is in those moments of pause and reflection that I reconnect with my true self and look forward to what lies ahead.

 What was your morning like?

Becoming Me A little More Each Day

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I wrote this post a year ago today and I can honestly say I have moved closer and closer to the person I want to be. It’s so important to reflect back and make sure you are always moving in the direction you want to go. Make sure you are on your own path.

As I get ready to travel tomorrow to the place I grew up, I am forced to take a look at who I’ve become. I am still that small town girl. I am most comfortable in an area with trees and space and fresh air to breathe. It doesn’t matter how many years I’ve spent away, home will always influence who I am.
Recently I was hiking in the Grand Canyon. It was a steep climb with loose dirt. It was easy to slip or feel unsure of my footage. I noticed there were rocks that lined the trail on both sides. Just like a kid all those years ago hopping from one rock to the next on my way to and from the bus, I hopped on those canyon rocks and the climb became so much easier. My memory kicked in and my body followed. It seems like just yesterday that I was that little girl happily skipping home from school. Sometimes the adult in us makes things look so complicated and the child in us finds the easiest way.
Time jumps. That’s just the way it is. It doesn’t feel like it slips by one moment at a time. It jumps in big leaps. I was 5, then, 12, then 18, 21, 30 and now I’m 43. The moments are sometimes forgotten but the milestones stick. I hope there are many more of them. My goals and my prayers and my hopes and my dreams become much different as the years pass by. I used to believe life was about being a certain weight, looking a certain way and holding an important job. I believed those silly things would make me happy. I did my very best to strive for perfection in every area of my life. It didn’t take me long though to discover that perfection is a myth. I could waste years of my life trying to be something that was not realistic or attainable or even worse, trying to be who others thought I should be. Then I found the freedom to love myself just as I am. What I am is perfectly imperfect, just the way I am meant to be. I am beautifully flawed and tragically damaged and I am so much more than I ever imagined through the foolish eyes of a young girl. We spend years of our lives being conditioned to become someone who doesn’t feel comfortable. Then, ironically, we spend years undoing who we become. That is where we really live. In that small window peering out where we finally get a real glimpse from our own eyes.
I dream that someday everyone will find a sense of peace. I dream everyone will feel the joy of happiness in every day. My hope is that there will always be someone waiting in the window when I finally get to visit home. My goal is that I find a reason to be happy and grateful each and every day. I pray that we learn to forgive each other’s weaknesses and love and accept each other with our whole hearts, just as they are without apology. I hope we stop carrying the weight of the world when it starts to weigh us down and admit when we are weak so someone else can take our burden. I hope I can create moments in each day where I can laugh with my kids and surprise them with my silliness. I hope even people who will not like me will respect my consistency. My actions and words will always tell the story of who I am. Some may not like the book but I promise there will not be any surprises when it comes to my character. I am free from others opinions because I now know the only opinion that really holds any weight is the one I have of myself. I have to carry my weight and wear my shoes. I know who I am and am no longer threatened by those who will never see me for who I really am. I hope that I will get better at breathing more and talking less, responding and not reacting, having more moments of quiet and less of noise, discovering more happy than sad and finding healing and patience where there is pain.
Wish me luck on my journey back home. It is always bitter sweet. Always great to see the faces of the people I love and even harder to look away when it’s time to go.

How Far Are You Willing To Go?

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It worries me that people are so unhappy in their own skin, that they will do anything to become someone else. I am not judging at all, please don’t misunderstand what I’m trying to say. Why is it that people cannot love themselves the way they were born, the way they were meant to be? I had a coming to Jesus with myself about a year ago. I had put on about 15 pounds and I remember sitting on the floor crying because I couldn’t button a single pair of pants. I realized that I had to love myself at 130 pounds as much as I did at 115. I am happy to report that I got that weight back off but l will let you in on a little secret. When I look in the mirror, no matter how little I weigh, I always see myself at the heavier weight. I remember not too long ago,  I saw a picture of myself and I honestly couldn’t believe how tiny I looked. That is not the girl I see in the mirror. Why? I have no idea. I don’t have a degree in psychology but I have come to understand that the mind plays tricks. Somewhere in my life, I came to the conclusion that I had to be a certain weight to feel good and be attractive. Silly huh? And the mirror is a reflection of my fear and insecurity. The secret is to accept and love yourself just as you are every single day. I’ve learned to be grateful for the body I have every day. As for that mirror, I know it lies and I remind myself to practice self love the days the reflection back is not so positive. 

It’s so important to remember that we are all the same. We all have insecurities and wish we could change something about ourselves to be more comfortable with who we are. Ask yourself this question though, when will enough be enough? How much will you have to change before you are finally satisfied? How far will you have to go before you realize that until you love and accept yourself on the inside, you will never be satisfied with the outside. Just something to think about.

Our Reflection

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When you wake up in the morning, remind yourself this day will not last. You will never get it back. 

When you choose anger and lash out at the people you love, remember you can never take it back.

When you choose to be selfish and walk all over the people who love you, they will remember every time they look back.

When you choose hatred and waste a precious day not loving, you will never get it back.

When you spend years of your life complaining instead of practicing gratitude, those are lost opportunities you will never get back.

When you choose to hurt the people you love just to prove a point, you take away a happy day they will never get back.

Your life is a gift. You are meant to serve, love and celebrate every single day. What you do with your time, every hour, second, minute is up to you. You have a choice to ruin your own life and the lives around you or you have the choice to make the most out of time that is continuously ticking away. We are only given a set number of hours. Will we spend them loving, hating, complaining? We must choose wisely because every moment that passes is one less we have left to live. We must choose love and kindness. We must choose to look for the good in every situation even when it’s hard to see. We must learn to appreciate the people in our lives and love them enough to not use our words and actions to push them away. We must notice the little things like a sunset or a beautiful rainbow after a horrible storm. We must notice the rose blooming in our backyard more than we notice somebody’s flaws. We must see the beauty in everyone instead of placing conditions on who we expect them to be. We must embrace the moments as they come and not waste waste them because we are too proud to let go of our own anger. We must choose to laugh and love and most importantly to be happy. One day, we will open our eyes and stare into the mirror at someone very old. Our eyes will be filled with joy or pain as they reflect back on the time we will never get back. Our hearts will explode with joy or crumble inside our chest because of the way we chose to live. If you were looking in that mirror right now, what would you see? There is still time to live a different way, are you too proud? Will you look the other way? Will you live without regret? The mirror does not lie and as much as we try to avoid it, someday we will have to be accountable for who we are.

The Looking Glass

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It was years ago when I first heard of the idea that what I do not like in others is often a reflection in what I do not like in myself. I think, at least for me, I didn’t believe it before. How could that be? How could I possibly be the same something I despise in others? It just didn’t make any sense. As I get older, and I learn to quietly observe myself from the sidelines, thankfully without judgement, the blinders have been removed and I can see my reflection clearly now. When I recognize the behavior in others, I silently extend gratitude to the person for reminding me of the hard change I must practice in myself. I think I have spent years in denial pointing my selfish finger and judging the behavior of others. I had no idea that their behavior infuriated me so deeply because I was burying the fact that the behavior lived on through me as well. I don’t think we are really ready to see it until we step out of ourselves and practice non judgement and self love toward ourself and others. How could we admit and accept that we are the very thing we find shameful or disgraceful?

It’s hard to take a look. I mean a good, long, honest look. At least for me, I had to be ready. I am ready now and I am grateful that my awareness has allowed me to see things in so many new and expanded ways. My lessons are not over. They are just beginning and each level is more difficult yet exciting at the same time. The growth is amazing but is slow and difficult. I think many never leap beyond the surface. They live with that denial possibly until the day they take their last breath. That’s okay. We are all on our own journey and we are here to learn from one another. Every journey is beautiful and necessary. We are so different yet still the same. Don’t be afraid to admit your imperfections. We all have them. Admitting and acknowledging the truth will set you free to travel a road that will make you even better. And the better you become, the better you will feel about yourself. That opinion is the one, at the end of the day, that really means the most.

Today Will Be Beautiful

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Isn’t it amazing that we can look in the same mirror everyday but see a different reflection? Some days we take a peek and think we look great. Other days, no matter what we do, we are disappointed with what we see. Sure, some days our hair turns out better than others but lets be honest, our face is our face. So what is it that determines whether our reflection will be good or bad? Is it more than the physical object we see with our eyes? Perhaps it has to do with how we feel inside. Maybe some days we shouldn’t look in the mirror at all. If we feel ugly on the inside surely we will appear ugly on the outside as well.

Yesterday was one of those ugly days. I found myself dwelling and focusing on all the bad things and as a result I got more of them. Today, I am going to approach everyone and everything with a better attitude. I will actively look for the good in all people and situations. It is always there if we look hard enough. The glass is always half full and half empty, it will always be both. But how we see it, depends on the day. Some days I have the best intentions but I just can’t shed my human self. All the knowledge in the world cannot stifle our feelings and emotions. Today, I will gently guide them to a better path. Today, I will make it my mission to see all the good around me. Today, if I don’t like my reflection, I know I have the power to change it. What will your reflection be today?