Can We Really Move On?

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Have you ever thought you were over something just to have it kidnap you in the middle of the night? Pain, anger, resentment are just a few challenges that are hard to shake. It’s hard to admit you still have some work to do to experience the necessary healing that would end the process of letting go. You spend years making progress only to be stuck right there at the end. So how do you leap off the edge in order to experience the real joy of moving on?

If you are holding onto something, acknowledge it. Admit that it is holding you back and at least set the intention to complete the process. Tell that stubborn side of you that forgiveness is necessary for your own well being and the whole world will be better when you make that choice. It won’t be easy and you will take a few steps forward and some major ones back. Just keep moving until you get there. You can do it.

Pointing Fingers

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Have you ever come across someone who identifies every problem you seem to have, yet never addresses their own?

 Yeah, what do you do with that? What can you do? 

Sometimes I find myself so frustrated. All I can think is, stop worrying about everyone else’s situation and start working on your own. I don’t mean any disrespect when I say that, I just think it is important to remain so focused on fixing, changing and accepting your own life that you don’t have the time or energy to dive into someone else’s. 

We are all a work in progress. We will not be the person today that we will be tomorrow unless we choose to be. And if you choose to be, don’t be surprised when your life stays the same no matter how much you want or need it to change.

I choose to be better so life doesn’t make me bitter. If you squeeze me, I couldn’t live with myself if bitterness was the only thing that came pouring out. Life is too short to be filled with that.

The lesson will always repeat itself, unless you see yourself as the problem–not others.

Shannon L. Alder

Allow Today To Be That Day

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Do you carry yesterday into today? I believe one main reason we have difficult, damaged relationships is because we carry the past into the present. Instead of approaching someone with today, we approach them with our feelings and thoughts from yesterday, last week, last year or another time that doesn’t serve any of us well at all.

Here’s an example. Yesterday, I told Chase to go straight to biology and put his vocabulary words in his backpack so he could study for his test. When I picked him up at the end of the day, he didn’t have the list. I approached him with the angry expectation that he wouldn’t have it and our interaction yesterday fell short of being something positive. Was that fair to him? Was it beneficial for me to drag the morning into the afternoon?

Imagine the relationships we’ve had for years. Can you imagine the damage and failure of relationships if we continue to approach someone as if they are a negative moment of the past? It is so counter-productive and that poor family member or friend doesn’t stand a chance. It’s like declaring a guilty verdict every time without ever allowing a trial.

Today, and everyday, approach everyone with the attitude that this moment is a new day. You are a new person, they are a new person and this a chance to start fresh. Be here, right now and leave your judgements and baggage outside the door. You are destroying your own heart and everyone around you if you try and drag yesterday into every today. Don’t approach anyone today like they are that same anger, disappointment or frustration they were yesterday. That time, that conversation, that interaction is over, it’s time to move on. Just something to think about today.

“Let today be the day you finally release yourself from the imprisonment of past grudges and anger. Simplify your life. Let go of the poisonous past and live the abundantly beautiful present… today.” 

Steve Maraboli

When Love is Replaced By Hate

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Not long ago, I wore a pair of shoes that rubbed the skin right off the top of my feet. I didn’t know the pain could be any worse until I stepped into the ocean. That saying about pouring salt in the wounds couldn’t be more true. The pain was excruciating. The sting stayed long after my feet were out of the water.

That is what it is like being around people with bad relationships. Years of watching people you love speak with such anger and disrespect toward one another leaves a gaping hole in the middle of your heart. Their words, their resentment, their attitude and actions are the salt that continually burns you up until the pain is so bad you feel sick inside. How can people who once loved each other become so miserable, so hateful? How can people be so angry that they feel justified to speak to their spouse in such a hateful tone? Day in and day out its blame, criticism, name calling, misery. What kind of life can you possibly have when you choose these horrible ways of living day after day? What happens to the people that see it year after year, every holiday, every single day? It makes everything awful for anyone around them. It’s so uncomfortable and disheartening that you wish you could crawl under a rock and hide until you find a way to escape. Do people become so consumed that they can’t even recognize what they are doing to the people around them? Do they even care because their hate for someone is stronger than their love for everyone else? It’s awful to watch from the sidelines and it just makes you never want to step foot in another game. It’s a sad way to remember people who once held such worth in your heart. It hurts to look back on all the times that could have been happy if only the hate would go away. Hate and anger destroy everyone. It starts on the inside until their is no kindness left to share and then it eats away at all the innocent people who try to love those filled with such contempt. Mostly it’s just sad. It makes me want to cry and never open my heart again. That wound gets deeper and bigger until I can’t feel anything around people except pain. I can’t stand by and watch. I don’t want to. It’s slowly killing me inside and I don’t want to witness it anymore. Have you ever experienced anyone you love in such a conflicted relationship? How do you handle it?

Taste The Love

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The first few years I was married, my husband would taste something I made and tell me whether or not he could taste the love. Ironically enough, if I baked something with care and with the intention of making him happy, he could always taste the love. However, if I was rushed or not really in the mood to bake, he could tell me there was something missing. I woke up today remembering this. I can’t help but wonder if everything we do can be applied to this concept. It’s no secret we are constantly doing things for others. The question is, what is the intention behind what we do? Do we do things because we feel we have to or do we do something for someone simply to show them we love them? Think about this next time you do anything, including for yourself. Observe the intention and see how it effects the outcome. Check in on your attitude and adjust it if you need to. People can feel your vibe. You have a choice; you can pass on resentment or you can pass on love. Which will it be?