I am curious as to whether or not people really think someone could be responsible for another persons actions. Here’s a newsflash. We think for ourselves. We make our own decisions. We know the consequences. It’s just a whole lot easier to blame someone else for everything we do in our own lives. If I think someone’s words, behavior or actions are harmful I certainly do not run out and mimic them. I definitely don’t go repeat someone’s behavior and then blame that person for my own behavior. This is obviously ridiculous. Number one problem with people these days is they point fingers and blame and use others as a scapegoat for their own poor behavior. People are out of control. They are impulsive and they say and do whatever feels right in the moment even if it’s harmful. The end used to justify the means but now we have turned that whole concept around. We have a people problem. We are individuals completely separate from one another. No one has the power or influence to make anyone do anything. We must be accountable and responsible for our own choices and stop grouping people and behavior together. It just doesn’t work that way in real life. It’s time to stop pointing the finger outward and turn it back towards ourselves. Do no harm period….not in your words, not in your thoughts and not in your actions. Stop with the excuses. Time for the blame game to come to an end.
Recently I have chuckled to myself as I watch many of my intelligent friends make the silliest Facebook posts about how responsible and intelligent kids are these days. They really do believe that these kids are changing the world. As a parent of a 15 and 19 year old, it is apparently clear to me that kids aren’t meant to take on the serious responsibilities of the world. This is a time when they are struggling to find their own way and no matter how gifted we think a child may be, at the end of the day kids are really just kids.
I was reminded of this when I dropped my 15 year old off at school today…the second time! The first time I pulled up to the school, we discovered that he unknowingly left the house without his shoes. I am happy to announce that after an hour an a half of driving back and forth to school twice, he made it successfully through the door. And to think, I’m a few short days he will get his license. Am I mad? Yeah a little but kids are expected to make mistakes now while they are still kids. It’s all part of growing up. As for me, I will continue to repeat the words, “when you do less, someone else has to do more.” Someday I know he will understand.
Sometimes it infuriates me how easily some people are able to ignore their responsibilities. If they don’t feel like doing something than they just aren’t going to do it. Doesn’t seem to matter if the consequence will affect them negatively. It’s more important to live in the moment and just do what feels good. I can’t help but wonder how different my own kids lives would be if I just didn’t feel like being their mom the past 18 years. Maybe I should have slept when they wanted to eat or ignored when they needed their pants changed. I see this pattern with my youngest and it drives me nuts. I didn’t set this kind of example. I didn’t phone it in or slack off or take a personal vacation from parenting or anything else when I just didn’t feel like being responsible that day. Granted it has gotten better with maturity and time but these little missteps have grave consequences and can undo weeks and months of hard work by one decision to be lazy. Am I alone here or is anyone experiencing the same thing? Not doing my work was never an option. I wouldn’t dare. That is why I am so shocked and in disbelief that people have such a different mindset when it comes to work and responsibility. I guess I just needed to vent and reach out to see if I am alone in this.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the one thing that truly changed my life forever. There comes a point in time when you are completely transformed and there is no chance in you know what that you can ever go back to being the same as you were before. That day happened for me the moment I became completely responsible for someone else. The day I became a mom was amazing but I had no idea the significance of how my heart and mind would change. It would never completely belong to me anymore. How could it right? My children are an extension of me who bring connection and distraction too durable to ever break. I am haunted by my responsibility and elated at the same time. There is no feeling quite like it and no way to explain to someone who doesn’t understand. Responsibility changes you forever as does your never-ending love and concern for another human being maybe ever greater if not equal to the love you have for yourself. It’s a tough job but I wouldn’t trade it for a single thing in this amazing world. What do you think? How has being responsible for something or someone changed you?
I’ve ducked out for a little while, hiding underneath my blanket while the world spins further out of control. It hurts to watch it happen on every level. The complacency, corruption, manipulation, dishonesty, and lack of accountability are all around me. I want to shut it out but it knocks on my front door and although I choose not to answer, it just won’t seem to go away. Sometimes I feel like the responsible adult in a world full of incapable, incompetent, selfish children. Being the adult sucks the fun out of living sometimes. Being responsible and accountable and concerned stifles the wind beneath my wings. Slowly and steadily I start to fall until I reach that place of almost impossible to return. Taking care of everything wears me out and I mean that in a literal sense. The me fades away and all that is left is this robotic clone who has mastered perfection in going through the motions. I am there under the mask, close to numb, quietly breaking apart inside my shell.
We are all connected and sometimes the cross we have to carry for those who are unwilling or unable to do their share is impossible to bear. What choice do we have but to pick up the slack, hold our head high and keep inching forward. Sometimes I lose sight of my own purpose because I am so intertwined in the lives of people around me. Sometimes I put me on hold while everyone else goes full steam ahead. Sometimes I forget that I cannot do it all and need to find a way to forgive myself for the person I become when I am drowning in responsibility and the depression starts to work itself through my veins. Sometimes I need to escape the weight of the world that holds me back. Sometimes I just need a moment to breathe. Sometimes I just need to feel like the me I was years ago before I became the me I am today. Sometimes I need to say, hello it’s me until I remember again.
There is nothing worse than someone wandering around playing the victim role. All week long I wash tons of loads of clothes. I asked both of my kids several times to go into the laundry room and put away their clothes. By the time the weekend rolled around, my husband got sick of them not listening and took their clothes upstairs to put away. I woke up to my daughter coming in and out of my room complaining that she couldn’t find any of her clothes. Do I feel bad? Maybe for myself because I had to wake up earlier than I needed to but I am thinking next time they don’t listen, I should bag the clothes up and hide them someplace. The bottom line is if she would have taken her own clothes upstairs and put them away like she was asked, we wouldn’t be having this problem but instead we are the bad guys, and she is inconvenienced.
Don’t be a victim. Take care of your own responsibilities and don’t blame everyone else for your irresponsibility. It only makes you look bad. And when someone is trying to be helpful, try some gratitude. It goes a longer way than resentment and blame. Sometimes being a parent is a thankless endeavor. It seems to me that the people who do the least and rely on everyone to do more play the victim best.
Blame doesn’t empower you. It keeps you stuck in a place you don’t want to be because you don’t want to make the temporary, but painful decision, to be responsible for the outcome of your own life’s happiness.Shannon L. Alder
Life is a balancing act. It has to be. It is up to each and everyone of us to know when to say when. Enough of this, time to move onto that. I grew up a perfectionist. I never believed I had an option to leave anything in my life unfinished or incomplete. There was never a choice for me, nothing to even think about. If there was something that needed to get done I was going to do it, period. I see now that people are pushed beyond their limits. School, work and responsibilities will demand and take until you are exhausted and have nothing left to give. I realize it’s time to reevaluate how to spend each moment of time. If there is more work in a day to finish than there is time to complete it then something has to give. You have a choice to kill yourself getting everything done or decide there is that critical point in the day where your time is yours to do as you choose. And really, is done ever completely done? Maybe it’s necessary to leave some things undone. As I write the words I cringe because it is against everything I’ve ever believed. I look at my husband and my kids who give all they have to get done what is expected of them to do. Like me, they are overwhelmed, stressed out and never afforded the time it takes to recover from one day to the next. Hard as it is, I believe it’s time to finish less and live more. If it means an assignment going unfinished or being handed in a day late than so be it. Health, especially mental health is more important than a crappy grade. So, I must spend the next few weeks undoing who I’ve become. It won’t be easy and I know the internal struggle it will bring but at the end of the day, my peace of mind and state of mind is more important than anything else. That goes for all of us living in this house. If demands are unreasonable, someone must have enough reason to know when to leave well enough alone. It’s a shame that the world has come to this. When something is pushed too hard, it breaks. I learned this lesson through my incessant need to vacuum all the time. We are not machines. We cannot trade out broken parts of who we are for brand new replacement parts. We must learn moderation and self preservation and never apologize for doing what is best for ourselves. Life will take so we must limit what we give. People will take, jobs will take, school will take as the daylight is ripped from underneath our feet. Give less. Rest more. Love more and be at peace.
Sometimes, I don’t think we understand the responsibility that goes along with the word yes. When a man asks a woman to marry him, her mind races to a vision of flowing white and romance blossoming under soft, twinkle lights. She smiles as she sees the blur of a new married couple twirling around the dance floor and gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes. With the vision fresh in her mind and hearts in her eyes, she blurts out YES! Yes, I will marry you. The problem is that she has no idea what that yes really means until the bus hits her head on as the reality sobers her back to the real world of bills, kids and a full time job.
I said yes to having bunnies the other day. The thought of holding their soft bodies in my hands as I lovingly stroked the back of their adorable ears was all I could see. What I didn’t realize was that the cage would cost a lot of money, I would be cleaning out poop and that those little stinkers would escape and leave their trail around my house for me to pick up. I didn’t realize the responsibility I would take on as if two kids, two dogs, a husband and cat weren’t already enough. My husband spent a good part of the day shopping for wire to reinforce the cage so finally they would stay put. He even built a small pen out back by the pool.
I’m not sure what motivated me to look outside when I did but there were six crows circling over the bunnies pen, cackling back and forth with one another. It was obvious they were planning a get away with my magic bunnies, only this time they would not be able to escape. Of course I had just come out of the shower so I threw on the first thing I could find and ran outside to grab them just in time. Yes, those nasty old crows we’re going to take my bunnies and I was to have no part of that.
I wasn’t thinking, really when I said yes. What I really meant was maybe, let me give this some more thought. Too late now. Lesson learned.
What is something you said yes to without considering the implications?
My friend Danny over at Dream Big, Dream Often reminded me of something very important today. Sometimes we think our presence is much less significant than it actually is. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Make sure you check out his post from earlier today, http://dreambigdreamoften.co/2015/09/08/im-not-trying-to-change-your-life/
I have a 16 year old daughter who can be pretty moody sometimes. There are days she enters the room and brings her bad attitude with her. It is like a rotten grape that spoils the whole bunch. You can almost see everyone shrink in their chair trying to hide from the negativity that is as big as an elephant taking over a very small room. Other days, she is like a ray of sunshine and you can feel the energy in the room become much lighter. When she is her playful, silly self, happiness spreads through everyone like wildfire.
One person does make a difference and it’s important to understand how significant that difference can really be.
We have to start to focus on the energy we carry around with us. In fact we should think of everyone we meet as a field of energy. Our attitude, our tone, whether we speak positively or negatively contributes to the energy as a whole. Sometimes we are so focused on someone else’s energy that we forget to be accountable for our own.
We cannot change anyone else. We cannot choose their words or actions but we CAN choose our own! Remember to check in with your own energy and ask yourself the honest question, what kind of energy do I bring to this space, be it home, work or anywhere else you might be. Your energy is one of many contributors to the overall energy of the world. Will you choose to add something negative or something positive? The choice is yours. What kind of imprint will you leave on the people around you? How will YOU change the world?