I have an irrational fear of spiders. It started when I was very young and continues to this day. As a young girl, I remember my brother chasing me with a dead spider while I was yelling and crying. I knew it was dead but the thought of that thing coming close to my skin was too much to imagine.
Today I was floating in the pool and looked up just in time to see a spider climbing on my float. I screamed and carried on like I was being attacked until I made my way out of the pool and scooped it up into the net.
I was just cozying up on my chair once again when out of the corner of my eye I saw it there, head bobbing above the water trying to get out. Only this time it wasn’t a spider. Nope, this time a snake! Absolute panic overtook me at that moment of terror as I once again worked me way out of the pool. Funny thing is, that spider doesn’t seem like such a big deal anymore but you can bet I won’t be going out there anytime soon.
I went to see the doctor today. All of the craziness this month has finally started to affect me. I knew I was in trouble when the nurse asked if she could take my blood pressure one more time. Isn’t it amazing how one situation can take over mentally, physically and emotionally? Keep yourself calm was the last thing the doctor said to me as I walked out the door.
We had another homework assignment with no instructions so by the time my husband and I figured it out, Chase was already in bed. Stay calm right. We were frustrated by the time we figured it out but I kept telling myself to breathe and let it pass. I tried to stay calm while the cement barrier ripped the front of my husbands Audi off over the weekend. No problem. I even chuckled when I backed into my garage door not too long ago. However, when my husband held his hand up and said,”don’t move”and I looked down to see a tiny snake slither across my kitchen floor, that grabbed my calm and ripped it right out from underneath me. There I was standing on my countertop shaking as we figured out a way to get it outside. Finally, it was time to throw in the towel and head to bed but my fight or flight was working overtime and the deafening ringing in my ears made me panic at the thought of never hearing quiet again. Tomorrow’s another day. Let go of this one and stay calm. Repeat after me, stay calm.
Name one thing/person you would not want outside your back door?
I was outside sweeping my pool deck earlier and I bent over to pick up the doormat so I could shake it off. That’s when I saw it, a small little snake. You would think Godzilla was after me the way I high tailed back inside the door. This is the second time this summer, same place. I slowly opened the door and used my broom to sweep it away from my house and that tiny thing coiled up, head in the air, spewing his tongue at me.
I have no idea where he went so I am panicked now. Of course my mind is racing through every worse case scenario. What if he gets inside? What if he’s hiding in my grass? What if he climbed the wall and is hanging over my door? I know I am probably overreacting but I am terrified of snakes.
So, how about you? What’s the worst thing you’ve found waiting outside your door?
This is the third night in a row I guess you could say I’ve been having nightmares. The first two nights were about snakes and last night I was crying so hard I woke myself up.
It makes me realize how deep we bury some of life’s messes we carry. We stick them in a deep place so that we can forget and go on with trying to live a happy life. The truth though, is they are still there affecting us every day whether we are aware of it or not.
Maybe dreams are a safe way to deal with the monsters who continually chase us long after we think we’ve grown up enough to make them disappear. It amazes me how the fear and the pain feel more real while we sleep than we allow it to be felt while we are awake.
The lesson is this. I have to rid myself of these monsters once and for all. I have to make sure that when I do dream about them they are just small, little creatures who do not hold the power over me that they do right now. So, how do I make them shrink? How do I face them head on and let them know they cannot control me any longer?
The snakes in my dream never attack me. In fact, I guess you could say they don’t even bite me. They just stare at me with piercing eyes and slowly slither around me, squeezing me and reminding me they have a tight hold on all I do. One day I will wiggle myself free, but for now, I will try and take back my control, one day at a time, before that snake gains enough strength to squeeze all the life right out of me. Me or monsters? Who will win?