It’s a Friday night and I am alone. One kid is skating and the other is hanging out with friends. The husbands away and I have a choice. I can go home and eat an entire carton of ice cream while feeling pathetically sorry for myself or I can go and catch the movie I’ve been wanting to see. Gotta go! It will be starting soon. Do whatever feels good to your soul. Then do it again tomorrow too.
Today I had a ton of time to think. I was sitting on a large porch eating breakfast by myself. The breeze and the view were amazing. I watched as the wind gently ruffled the palm trees. I enjoyed the quiet calm of the waves and how they gracefully fell against the rocks. I sat there thinking that I should do this more often. It’s nice to look up for a change. We all should. How often do you sit still and just look at the beauty all around you? How many times do you sit in a rocking chair and spend several minutes just rocking? We rush, we run, we over schedule and we are missing the really special moments that give us a chance to reconnect with who we really are. The me who is more than the thinker, the doer. The me that feels connected to each and every wave and every grain of sand. The me who just watches and breathes and feels gratitude for these moments, that once in a while, I finally pause long enough to enjoy.
You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel
I learned a long time ago that to really move forward in life, you have to face your own demons. You have to grab them by the horns and force a friendship that is difficult to form. It’s not until you face every side of yourself and look in the mirror and still feel beautiful, that the world really opens up to you. Sure, you have flaws, we all do right? We all have things we are insecure about, maybe even embarrassed and ashamed about. Make peace with those things and stop keeping them hidden in a place that is dragging you down. Find a way to love yourself, every single part, flaws and all. Learning to love yourself unconditionally is never easy but once you do, your heart will open up in a whole new way. You will forgive yourself and forgiving others will come naturally as well. You will stop being so critical and notice you have no tolerance or need anymore to judge others or yourself. You will accept and love yourself for who you are and will finally be free of the conditions that determine whether or not you will love and accept another. You can’t heal what you don’t feel. You can pretend your demons don’t exist but in your heart, you know they are there. If your heart is hard, maybe even closed, you have got to do whatever it takes to feel love, happiness and forgiveness again. Every single day matters, you never get a single one back. Do it now and don’t starve yourself of the important things that nourish your soul.
This past week I’ve been away getting a transformational makeover for my soul. There is something very healing about spending time outdoors in a beautiful place. When you combine a beautiful ocean, experience the freedom of a playful dolphin, watch a magnificent sunset and relax to the soothing sound of ocean waves, healing takes place. When you witness the fiery glow of an active volcano, you remember how amazing life really is. One day at a time, you wake up a little bit more until finally you are recharged. Like a simple cell phone, our battery also becomes drained. We need to find a way to recharge in between those stretches of life when we feel unplugged. There is beauty all around us but sometimes we are so distracted that our sight becomes limited. Get outside, visit someplace new and reconnect with the energy that makes you feel alive. Here are some highlights of our trip. Hope you enjoy them too.
What do you need? When you aren’t feeling right and something is off, do you think to close your eyes and ask this question, what do I need to get me feeling more like myself? Today, for me, it was staying in bed just a few hours longer. Giving myself permission to spend more time in a space that is comfortable and warm. Sometimes we just need to to be alone in a place we feel safe with no thoughts. Sometimes we need a change of pace, some new scenery to break free from the usual mundane. We are all so different and our needs change as frequently as the hands on a clock. So tune in and ask yourself, what do I need today? We get so caught up in what we think we have to do that we actually forget to do what feels good for our soul. What do you need today?
Sometimes we try and try to bond with all kinds of people. It is actually possible to feel more alone in a crowd of the wrong people than it does to be in a room by myself. Sometimes you just mesh with another human being. The soul knows what the soul knows and it is out of those blessed interactions that true friendship blossoms. I’ve learned lately that I no longer have time for the people who do not serve my soul. Every single person causes an internal feeling or reaction. I am learning more and more to trust that internal meter and not waste precious moments on the ones who are not a fit. There are people who reduce us and ones who lift us up to soar. There will always be both types and in that respect when it comes to interacting with both, there will never really be a choice. But, where we choose to put our time, the people we choose to spend it with is completely up to us. Knowledge is power and your instincts are a great place to start. Be kind to everyone but limit your time with the ones who bring you down. Being alone is not so bad but feeling alone in the company of others is truly devastating.
I was thinking today that I would rather know someone’s soul than their face and their name. But, if I am lucky to know all three, I will consider myself grateful.
Today was wonderful. I don’t usually look forward to cold, cloudy days, but this one provided some much needed stillness and rest. I love when it stays dark all day. For in the darkness there is a message. It says, don’t clean because you won’t notice the dust if the sun does not come out. Don’t jump up and go because it is cold, stay at home and keep warm. And the best message of all, take a warm bath, build a fire and sit around in your pajamas all day so you are completely comfortable and at rest.
So, today I listened and that is exactly what I decided to do. It’s okay to rest once awhile and fight the pressure in your mind that tries to convince you that you’re always supposed to be moving and doing and going. It’s okay to shut that voice off in your head that never finds a minute to just let you be in the moment to enjoy doing nothing. Today, I beat that voice. Today I listened to what I needed and not what my mind believed I should do. Today, peace won over busyness and calm won over craziness. Today I am content and happy and enjoying the quiet calm each moment brings. It is days like these that repair the damage that a busy week can bring, it is days like these that prepare us to get through the busy days that are about to come and it is days like these that I find gratitude in the little moments that make the greatest difference. Here’s hoping you had a chilly, gray day too….
How do we fight our constant need for control? I am feeling very unsettled today. I know with spring break coming to a close the old familiar to do list of life will be greeting me at 6:30 tomorrow morning. This constant struggle to find balance has been a lesson 42 years in the making and today, I believe I had a small yet painful breakthrough. I couldn’t help shake the anxiety that has been creeping inside of me since the moment I woke up. I am feeling unsettled and agitated which is not at all how I want to spend this day. I have been working really hard at getting my inside in order. You know that quiet place where you sit in the presence of inner peace. However, somewhere along the way my scale tipped a little too far to the left and I lost control of my outside world and the world around me. I guess the day I impulsively cut off my hair should have been a sign of my impending doom. The more my inside calms, the more I need my outside to match or balance. So, I have skipped Yoga for 2 weeks and let my household chores slip out from underneath me. However, I let the kids relax and bring kids over to hang out nearly every day. So today, I started ripping at my makeup drawer. I have been scrubbing and cleaning and organizing to just find a little bit of that peace to replace my anxiety with. So, I guess I need to nurture all my different sides and find a way to keep them all in balance. Needless to say, I will be spring cleaning this week and getting back to Yoga and meditation. Catering to my spirit while neglecting my mind and body will never get me where I need to be. I will find a way to get it all done in between violin concerts, my husbands end of quarter at work, play practice, doctor appointments, and Chases birthday in the middle of the week. I guess I have a mild version of OCD. I think maybe we all do. One of my favorite sayings is, when you know better, you do better. Today is my week to start all over. This time, I will do better.
I was up all night worrying about the quality of my kids education and about the people in their lives that are supposed to be their role models. I have broken out in a sweat, had palpitations and mild panic attacks all night and as soon as the alarm went off, bombarded my husband with all my senseless worries. Then I remembered how perfectly he balances me out. He stopped me dead in my tracks when he told me stop talking, take a chill pill and look at him. Then he asked me these questions….who made you smart? Where did you get your education? Do you really think it was school? I love that man. I will defiantly blog about the answer to these questions in my ” To Be Continued” follow up. But first I need to hear your answer to those questions. I think this is worth thinking about and putting into words. The answer might just surprise you. If I don’t hear from you, I will stalk you, pout, and sit by my iPad waiting impatiently to see a response. Okay, go!