Dear Worry

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Dear Worry,

I think it’s time for us to finally break up. We have tried to make this relationship work for a long time now and it just doesn’t feel good anymore. I have stuck by you and all the while you have dragged me down. You’ve become almost an obsession for me and I don’t know where you end and I begin.  Maybe it’s time you leave and find someone who will welcome you. There is a better partner for you out there somewhere but I am not the one. You have wasted enough of my time and I want to feel the freedom again of being on my own. I want to experience life without you by my side tainting my perception of every experience. I want to stand alone and see how it feels to take that first step without you holding me back. There comes a time for everything and this is the time we must part. I want a partner that makes me feel happy and alive and confident that everything will be okay. You are not that one. I know that now. Pack your bags, go away and never try to force yourself back into my life. I’m done. We’re done. It’s time to start a new life without you in it. Are you listening? Just go. 

Me

One Week Ends and Another Begins

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Another week is over and we are heading into a brand new one. Ask yourself, how am I feeling? Are you excited, stressed, looking forward to or stressing over the days to come? It’s good to check in with your internal compass. Is it pointing you ahead or is dragging you back or allowing you to be content right where you are? What do you do to mentally prepare for the start of a new week? Maybe it’s nothing at all.

Allow Today To Be That Day

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Do you carry yesterday into today? I believe one main reason we have difficult, damaged relationships is because we carry the past into the present. Instead of approaching someone with today, we approach them with our feelings and thoughts from yesterday, last week, last year or another time that doesn’t serve any of us well at all.

Here’s an example. Yesterday, I told Chase to go straight to biology and put his vocabulary words in his backpack so he could study for his test. When I picked him up at the end of the day, he didn’t have the list. I approached him with the angry expectation that he wouldn’t have it and our interaction yesterday fell short of being something positive. Was that fair to him? Was it beneficial for me to drag the morning into the afternoon?

Imagine the relationships we’ve had for years. Can you imagine the damage and failure of relationships if we continue to approach someone as if they are a negative moment of the past? It is so counter-productive and that poor family member or friend doesn’t stand a chance. It’s like declaring a guilty verdict every time without ever allowing a trial.

Today, and everyday, approach everyone with the attitude that this moment is a new day. You are a new person, they are a new person and this a chance to start fresh. Be here, right now and leave your judgements and baggage outside the door. You are destroying your own heart and everyone around you if you try and drag yesterday into every today. Don’t approach anyone today like they are that same anger, disappointment or frustration they were yesterday. That time, that conversation, that interaction is over, it’s time to move on. Just something to think about today.

“Let today be the day you finally release yourself from the imprisonment of past grudges and anger. Simplify your life. Let go of the poisonous past and live the abundantly beautiful present… today.” 

Steve Maraboli

Help Me Hang In There

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We are a couple weeks into school now and my old familiar anxiety is starting to creep back in. My son has ADD and his lack of focus and organization has been an on going challenge. We decided to take him off his medication last Christmas and found out with our constant nagging, the teachers staying on top of things and Chases determination to do this on his own, he will get there one day at a time. It’s a big responsibility for me to oversee his work. Trying to maintain the right balance between schools expectations and his struggle to do the work leaves me in a tough place. He is very smart. Everyday, he surprises me more and more. Sometimes though, when I start to relax a little too much, disaster strikes in a moments notice. I checked Parent Portal this weekend to find Chase is missing 4 math assignments. We have a 504 that is similar to an IEP that requires teachers to contact me at the first sign of missing work or when he is falling behind. This is what happens when I don’t check and they don’t let me know. It turns into a massive stress fest at home and my husband and I feel the brunt of it. He spent all weekend trying to re-do the work he seemed to misplace. The fact that his writing wrist is broken does not contribute to the cause in a helpful way. Every year, the transition of getting used to new teachers in addition to the time lapse of them discovering his 504 seems to take longer and longer. On a good note, we try our best to work as partners so Chase can be as successful as possible. High school starts next year so this is a big transitional year. He is in 3 classes now that will give him high school credit and I am confident he can handle them IF he keeps up with the work. There’s always that one class he slacks off to make up for the amount of work in other classes. I hope this will be the year he finds his balance and I lose some of this worry and anxiety. I am looking forward to the day he gets his cast off and can get more of his work done in class. Two more weeks, hold on, almost there.

Today, Choose Love

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We have to remember how connected we really are. Whatever we do to someone else, we do to ourselves. It is explained so clearly in this explanation that it is hard to ignore.

“A Course in Miracles says that everyone we meet will either be our crucifier or our savior, depending on what we choose to be to them. Focusing on their guilt drives the nails of self-loathing more deeply into our own skin.”

Excerpt From: Williamson, Marianne. “A Return to Love.” HarperCollins. iBooks. 

We think things like our hatred, our criticism, our anger are only feelings toward someone else but the truth is, whatever we feel toward someone else, we turn inward and feel more about ourselves. 

It is so important to pay attention to your feelings and thoughts. It is time to heal your mind and the relationships that are holding you back in your own life. Remember, when you choose to look for the good in someone, even when it’s hard, when you choose to forgive and see underneath the flawed person who obscures the perfect soul that is underneath, you will love and forgive yourself. You will discover those parts of yourself that have been buried for far too long  and you will finally be blessed with the freedom to live the life you have always wanted. The greatest gift you can give to yourself is self forgiveness and self love.

Before you speak to anyone, before you react or respond, repeat this mantra silently to yourself.

Today, choose love  

Let every word, every feeling, every interaction come from a place of love and your relationships will transform before your eyes.

Today is a new day. I pray you will take advantage of the opportunity to start today to change your life. I pray you find the courage to reach out and grab the happiness and joy that you truly deserve. You always have a choice. Pride or love? Today, choose love.

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

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Have you ever met anyone in your life who says things they really don’t mean? Sometimes I’ve discovered that people’s circumstances are sometimes so out of their own personal control that they have this need to control everyone and everything around them. The second things go a way they did not plan for. this maniac escapes through their mouth and they say everything they can think of to force a reaction out of somebody else. These people aren’t cruel. In fact, they don’t even mean to be unkind. They just have absolutely no control over anything including themselves. They want love and attention more than anything but they act out so negatively that the reaction they receive from the other person is the exact opposite of what they are secretly craving and hoping for. It’s a cycle that after years and years of being repeated never has a happy ending.

Remember this. Everything you do, everything you say influences how others feel about you. Even if you don’t mean the words that come out of your mouth, eventually they will have a negative effect on the person who has been patiently listening to them. There comes a time when you have to take responsibility for yourself. There comes a time that you have to admit that it is your very own words and actions that drive away the people you claim to love. I remember I chose this reading from the Bible when I got married so many years ago. Not even then did I understand how important those words really were when it came to forming and maintaining healthy relationships. That verse and every single word are worth repeating. Listen carefully.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

The answers are always there if you choose to look for them. Do not allow yourself to be anyone less than the person you should be. No excuses. No conditions. You always have a chance to do better. When you know better, you should do better and these words are a pretty good guide to start you in a new direction. Every day is a new day, a chance to start over and start living a brand new life. The question is will you have the courage to take the first step?