You Write It Wednesday

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We made it to Wednesday. What is it about the middle of the week that gives us an extra boost of enthusiasm? Today I want to hear about something you consistently put off because you just don’t want to do it? Here are my top three.

1) Doctor/Dentist appointments

2) Food shopping

3)Stopping for gas

Your turn? What are your top three?

A Few Important Things I Learned This Year

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I wrote this post a few years ago but I thought it was worth sharing again. 

1) There is nothing worth getting yourself crazy about. We cannot change the things that happen to us but we can change the way we react to them. Really, it doesn’t help anyone to magnify circumstances we find ourselves in.

2) People do not change. It is disappointing to hold out hope for people that do not have any. It is a sad lesson but an important one. Don’t always expect people to do the right thing, especially people who put their own needs first.

3) People do not want to be around negative and critical people. It is important to ask yourself from time to time if you are someone others would enjoy being around.

4) There are 2 types of people in this world. Victims and heroes. Heroes save themselves, victims blame those around them. You are the only one that can save yourself.

5) There is a lot of incompetence and neglect of accountability in the world. Gently lead by example and be the change you wish to see in the world.

6) Life is short. We do not get seconds, minutes, days, holidays, or years back. It is important to remind yourself of this so you don’t get sucked into the personal drama all around us.

7) You cannot save the world, only yourself. When you are a better you, the world becomes better too. That is the only control we really have.

8) Nothing is constant. If our situation remains the same, it is because we choose to keep it that way. Different behaviors and decisions lead to different circumstances. If we choose to exist in our old world, a new one will not magically appear.

9) This may be the most important lesson of all. There is plenty good all around us. People are kind. We can only see what we let ourselves believe.

10) Every year goes by faster and faster. Grab the reigns and hold on for dear life. Live to the fullest and don’t miss a single chance to make a difference in someone else’s life. We are all connected and the way we treat and act towards others ultimately leads to how we will be treated ourselves.

What Do You Want More Of?

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My sons silly laughter

A genuine smile on my mothers face

Laughing until tears roll down my cheeks

A loving embrace

A stranger holding the door open just because

A house filled with peace and love

A mind that lingers in every moment

A heart filled with joy and love

Feeling so happy my heart may burst

Gratitude

Acceptance

Contentment

Kindness

Peace

Love

As we approach a new year, be sure and make a list of the things you want more of. Remember, thoughts become things. Choose good ones. I’d love to hear about what you want more of in 2015.

Tips On Getting Along

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Hindsight really is 20/20. As I sit here on the plane flying home from a visit with family, I can’t help but reflect on the last couple of days. Many fellow bloggers have posted about how difficult it is during the holidays with several days filled with so many different personalities. The bottom line is this, we love our family but often times we have become so comfortable around them that we lose our filter. We stop choosing our words wisely and before we know it we say some things we may regret. How can we avoid this? Everyone is working so hard preparing food and cleaning up and no-one really gets a break long enough to put their feet up and rest. Add fatigue to the mix and the constant need for something to be done and the scene is perfectly set for something to go wrong. Here are some tips that I really believe can make any gathering a more pleasant one. Ask yourself, how could I have acted differently to remove tension in the room rather than add to it? How could I have responded in a more positive way to keep the peace? Sometimes it’s as simple as choosing not to respond at all. So here they are, tips to be a positive contribution to any crowd.

1) Do not speak every thought that is in your head. Not everyone wants to hear everything you think.

2) If two people are having a discussion, mind your own business. If people want your 2 cents, believe me they will ask for it. Otherwise, keep your change in your pocket and save it for a rainy day.

3) Don’t insult another person in the room. You know what mama always says, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

4) Pitch in and do your share. At the very least clean up after yourself. No-one needs to do something you are more than capable to do yourself.

5) If someone is trying to get your goat, walk away and don’t engage. There are plenty of people to have a conversation with. Choose the ones who soothe your soul, not the ones who start a flame.

6) Keep negativity to yourself. Focus on the positive

7) Don’t point fingers. If your hands are that free, try washing some of the dishes.

8) Be kind. Try complimenting someone instead of insulting them. Before you speak, ask yourself if what you are about to say is kind or necessary. Think about how you would feel if someone spoke your words back to you.

9) Get over things. Let them go and move on to a better place. Sometimes we can only see what we allow ourselves to see. Try looking for something good.

10) Don’t judge. Just because you have an opinion of who someone is does not mean it is even a smidgen true. Put your own shoes on and walk in them. Let people be who they are. Accept them and love them for who they are. That is the kindest gift you could ever give.

11) Don’t be a know at all. Remember that kid that sat in the front of the class and always had his hand up? Nobody liked that kid….ever. You don’t always have to prove you’re right.

12) if you break all these rules, give yourself a break and do better next time. After all, we’re only human. It’s okay to make mistakes.

13) Respect someone’s boundaries. If you know you are doing something that is irritating someone, stop. If you just love to push buttons, the carnival is always hiring.

So there you have it, a guide to make any gathering less stressful and more enjoyable. Let me know if you have anything we should add to the list.

5 Things I Have Learned This Week

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1) Never ever waste your time making instant oatmeal. It’s gross and isn’t all oatmeal really instant anyway?

2) It’s okay to make a pie with store bought filling. Everyone will eat it just the same.

3) You can get the Black Friday deals online on Thanksgiving morning so there is no reason to miss the turkey or to get up at an ungodly hour the day after when you are feeling sluggish and bloated.

4) Never buy a Christmas tree that is front heavy. It will be a long and disappointing holiday season. On a good note, you will never make that mistake twice!

5) Don’t become the rush around you. Take a moment to enjoy some solitude and just breathe.

Is Misophonia real or imagined?

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Lately, everywhere I look, I see articles about Misophonia. According to Wikipedia, Misophonia, literally “hatred of sound”, is a neurological disorder in which negative experiences (anger, flight, hatred, disgust) are triggered by specific sounds..

Do I believe it exists? Yes I do. I’m not sure that I want to classify it as a neurological disorder because I would have to admit having one. I started to notice my hatred of noise a few years ago. I noticed I was always annoyed except when nobody was home. It sounds almost selfish as I type the words but let me explain. It started with the television. I thought maybe something had gone wrong with the sound because I just wasn’t able to tolerate it for long periods of time. Add that to cell phone notifications chirping and beeping, video games in the background and possibly my daughter belting out her favorite broadway tune and I was on the verge of losing it. Then I started to notice the sounds of people chewing and smacking their lips together or biting their nails. It made me feel absolutely furious and I had no control over it whatsoever.

Just today, my husband and I stopped in at the bagel place on campus. I just wanted to sit outside and feel the cool air but all I could feel was the agitation with each and every noise. I noticed the cars engine as it accelerated after the light turned green. I heard the birds squealing and the beeping noise at the crosswalk almost like it was my own heartbeat blasting noise out of my chest. I heard the toddler at the table next to me crying and having a tantrum and I just wanted to go back home. The truth is, I don’t go out very often. I think this may be one of the biggest reasons why. I have quiet at home, just the way I like it. Home is my peaceful sanctuary of noiselessness and I am so grateful to find someplace that feels quiet. Maybe that’s even the reason I gravitate towards yoga so much. I just know my dislike for noise spoils many things that I once enjoyed. I used to love to go out to eat. I loved someone preparing the meal, serving it to me for a change and then actually cleaning it up. But now? All I hear is one table screaming over the other, so many times I prefer to just get the food to go. Real or imagined, there is no doubt noise affects my life in the most negative way. Don’t get me wrong, there are some noises I love like the sound of the waves when I’m sitting on the beach or the sound of laughter coming from my kids who I love so much. I also have tinnitus so I feel like the noise is there constantly and I do my best to quiet myself internally in hopes that it will carry me through the external noises of life.

What do you think about Misophonia? What are some noises that really get under your skin?

Here are my top five:

1) Dogs licking and scratching at themselves
2) Dogs barking
3) Cats spewing up hair balls
4) Televisions blasting
5) Chewing

One Thing I learned From Each Year of Marriage

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1) There is no amount of arguing that will convince your spouse you are right. Agree to disagree and respect each other’s differences.

2) Your relationship is NOT on a time frame. Just because you believe your spouse should do something right now does not mean he wants to do it right now. Be respectful of each other’s needs.

3) Fight, argue and let if go. Bringing things up over and over again is not healthy. It is your job to find a way to let things go. It is nOT your job to punish your spouse.

4) Playing together leads to staying together. Life is too serious. It doesn’t have to be that way at home too.

5) Always, always speak kindly to one another. Name calling and berating is disrespectful and you always have to rise above it. No- one deserves your disrespect.

6) Give each other space. You were individuals before you more married and you need to be individuals while you are married.

7) Find qualities in your spouse to be grateful for. If you focus on him always leaving the toilet seat up, eventually you will feel anger and frustration toward him. If you focus on him always being there to help with the kids, you will feel gratitude. It is your responsibility to choose wisely.

8) Never, ever place conditions on your relationship. How would you feel if someone only loved you conditionally? It’s degrading. Love each other just as you are.

9) Give each other a break. No- one is perfect all the time. It’s okay to have a bad day.

10) Be supportive not critical. We are hard enough on ourselves. Imagine how awful it would be if the person who is supposed to love us the most is critical of us too.

11) Remember you are both human. Don’t expect each other to be greater than that.

12) Remember that sometimes you have to choose to look the other way. When you call someone out on their every action, they will not be listening when you really need them to hear your words.

13) Don’t say everything you think. Words hurt, especially hateful ones. Some things should just be left to yourself.

14) Respect each other’s families. Period. A person should never have to defend where he comes from. Ever. It’s okay to be raised different ways. Embrace the differences.

15) Be affectionate. Everyone needs a soothing touch or a warm hug. We should treat our spouse with the same attention, love and affection we give to our pets.

16) Make time for each other. Sneak in an unplanned lunch and make sure you continue to date. Making each other feel important should always be a priority. Your time is the greatest gift you can give to someone else. Your spouse deserves it.

The Difference Between 20 and 40!

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When women are first married, they are trying their best to get along. They complain little and go out of their way to try and please. Years later, we wake up in our 40s and the little annoying things we stayed quiet about in our twenties are driving us crazy in our forties. We don’t exactly list those things so you know why we are stewing all the time, we just watch and wait for the perfect time to make your life a living….. Well, let’s just stop there. This is highly confidential boys but here is the list. I suggest you take it very seriously and find a way to undo the wrath you have created for yourselves over the last several years.

1) Burping. It’s funny if she does. It’s disgusting if you do. Period.

2) Piles. Put your junk away out of sight. Every pile you make infuriates her more. She will start to think of you as one gigantic pile of sh?!. Sorry, it’s true

3) Home Depot! Every second you spend standing in the same aisle looking at the same objects, she is fantasizing of ways to use those items to cause you pain. It sounds harsh, but believe me it’s true.

4) Driving around aimlessly while pretending you know where you are going. HUgE turnoff!

5) Channel flipping. Put the clicker down and try holding her hand for a change.

6) Watching the same movie over and over. Pretend she’s an old movie and pay her some attention.

7) Reminding her of your life before her and telling her she’s the reason you don’t fish, golf, drink, ski. That will get you far. Keep it up.

8) Making time for everyone and everything but her. Pencil her in. She needs to feel special too.

9) Not changing the kitty litter. Man up! She is sensitive to smell.

10) Beer guts! Seriously, do you want her to have one? Oh that’s right….it’s her fault you don’t exercise too. See number 7.

Well, that’s a small list but I don’t want to overwhelm you. Ladies, anything you’d like to add?

Top 5 Reasons I Am Glad Today Is Over

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1) I had two flat tires

2) A hole in my straw

3) Got a text from a friend telling me I was missing my sons award ceremony at school

4) Its Monday and the day already felt like a week long

5) Heated up chicken cordon bleu for Chase and realized it was tomorrow’s dinner

Some days are just like that and you have to push through them. Tomorrow is a new day and it will be a better one. It’s not the days events that make for a bad day, it is our perception and attitude toward them. Sometimes it’s not worth getting worked up over. Go with the flow whatever it may be. No sense fighting against it.

10 Painful Truths

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1) Resistance handcuffs us to the very thing we try to escape

2) Sometimes we do not get wiser, we simply get older

3) Time does not entirely erase all our pain

4) We never get used to living away from the people we love

5) Even rose colored glasses cannot always change how we see the world

6) There are times we will have to walk alone because there wont be another choice

7) We can waste our minutes by living in the past, or we can waste our minutes by fearing our future. Waste is waste anyway you look at it. Once time is gone, we can’t get it back

8) Knowing better is not always enough to make us do better

9) Hindsight is not always powerful enough to change our future

10) Some lessons are never learned even after we’ve visited the path of consequence

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