Not Your Choice. Not Your Plan.

Standard

I’ve heard so many people put conditions on happiness lately. I’d be happy with this… I’d be happy if that. You can try your best to put conditions on people and anything else in your life but one thing I know for sure is if you try and put conditions on happiness, you will never experience what the word has to offer. It is what it is whether you like it or not. Wishing won’t change reality, wanting won’t change it either. You simply choose to be happy in the reality in which you live or you don’t. It’s that simple. You can fight against everything you don’t want or you can be grateful and happy amidst the things in your life you are fortunate to have that you do want. You fight or you love. You create positive energy or you spread negative energy. There’s always a choice. You can beg and plead and negotiate in your mind but until you learn to choose happiness where you are right now and in every moment, you will be negotiating for something that will never be negotiable. Life isn’t about what you want and you don’t decide what you do and don’t get. Some of us draw some crappy cards and others have all the chips fall into their hands. You cannot always change your circumstances but you can change the way you react to them. Sometimes you have to see something a different way to make it look tolerable. If your a fighter, there will always be a fight waiting to present itself. If your a lover, something or someone to love will always be present in your life. We have more power than we think. We just aren’t smart enough to use it to change our own lives.

Don’t Like It, Then Change It

Standard

I had a conversation with my 13 year old today that really has me really disturbed. He asked me why we were going to school this evening. I told him it was to find out where his classes are and to meet his teachers. The first question he asked was if he didn’t like one, could he switch to a different class. I guess what bothers me is I would never think to ask that question ever. Even if I did, I’m sure my mother would just laugh at me and tell me to suck it up. What kids need to understand today is that life will not always be the way they want it to be. They will have to work for and with people they may not like. They will have to do work they may not like. They will have to stay in a class with a teacher they do not like. They will have responsibilities that no one likes but they will just have to find a way to get through it. I don’t blame the kids at all. We live in a society where we try and accommodate every need, every person. It just can’t work.  We are replacing the word want with the word need and the two are getting confused. We have taught kids that everything should be comfortable and pleasing and to their liking and if something is uncomfortable for them then by golly let’s change it. I’ve also written about my take on the school policy of handing work in whenever you feel like it. Don’t feel like doing the work that’s due tomorrow, do it another night and just hand it in whenever you’re done. I’m not sure if we are stepping away enough from our actions to see what we are doing. What are we actually teaching these kids and what kind of message are we actually sending? It’s just something that was on my mind so I figured I would share. What are your thoughts?

What Do You Binge On?

Standard

To binge or not to binge? I thought the answer to that simple question was answer enough. We all make choices. We have the power to say yes or no, but I think I’ve been missing an important part of that whole equation. I believe we all binge.

According to Webster, a binge is a period or bout, usually brief, of excessive indulgence.

Is there a person you know who doesn’t resort to binging? For many, when we say the word binge, we automatically associate it to eating or drinking. The fact is, most of us don’t binge on those things at all. This is the tricky part, we need to acknowledge that we all partake in binging while at the same time have enough courage to ask ourselves, what do I binge on? What is my brief, excessive indulgence?

I actually had an eating binge last night. Someone at work gave my husband a 5lb box of chocolate so guess what I chose to indulge on last night? The more I thought about it, the more disgusted I became. I didn’t even taste the chocolate after a while. I was just fixated on shoving something into my mouth. I have been craving Dairy Queen for weeks so why would I excessively indulge on something I didn’t even really want? That’s a tough question to ask but it leads to a very important aha moment. Maybe I should feel less guilty about the binging itself and focus more time on asking myself on a deeper level….what is it you really need? What are you lacking? What are you really wanting? I can guess the answer will be much deeper than a piece of chocolate. Imagine if we choose to binge on something that feels good. Do you know anyone who binges on judging others? How about gossiping or negativity or self loathing? Those things are like the chocolate. They are not good for us and we really don’t even want them but we repeat and repeat the same behavior over and over until we are so full of what we don’t need or don’t want that we are now feeling a horrible sense of guilt and remorse.

Next time you catch yourself tempted to binge, take a step back and ask, what is it I need right now? Is it love, support, encouragement, peace of mind? I can guarantee twenty pieces of chocolate are not the answer. Binge on whatever it is you need, the food for your soul, and remind yourself there is always enough to go around of whatever it is you really want. Let the temptation to binge serve as a red flag, to step back and ask yourself, why do I feel the need to do this right now? Why am I feeling so empty? What am I really craving? I bet the answer will become pretty clear and finally you can put that box of chocolate right where it belongs, in the garbage.