We Are One Amazing Light

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Some days I have no words. This week has been a long one. Last night I went for a walk with my husband around the block. My neighbors were stringing Christmas lights. The air was crisp and the the moon cast shadows beneath my feet. I could hear dogs barking in the distance and my eyes were fixed on how brightly the stars seemed to shine. The air was fresh and every breath carried energy to my tired soul. I looked at my neighbors houses and thought about how similar we all are. Some families were probably finishing up dinner. I bet there were parents sitting at the kitchen table helping their kids with algebra homework or giving their little ones a bath. Why is it so difficult to find connection? We go through the same emotions, share similar experiences but we tend to see our differences more eagerly than recognizing what makes us the same. I haven’t been going to yoga lately because I insured my shoulder but I miss the reminder at the end of each class. I’d like to share those words with you today and everyday. 

The divine light in me recognizes and honors the divine light in you. When you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, we are one. 

Look for the light that shines in all of us.

Namaste.

What is Your BS Story?

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I was blessed enough to attend a yoga workshop with Jen Pastiloff yesterday. She provided the group with many prompts but one really stood out for me. We were directed to make a list of our very best bullshit stories. These are the stories we tell ourselves that keep us disappointed, hopeless and stuck in the one place we don’t want to be, right here. As I started to get really honest with myself,  I couldn’t deny I had been convincing myself of so many things that just weren’t true. The problem is, the more I repeat these lame excuses to myself, the more apt I am to give myself a pass which enables me to not even try to change a single corcumstance in my life. 

Tell me your biggest bullshit story. Share it so the whole world can hold you accountable and so we can find the courage to not let these ridiculous bs stories control our lives anymore.

Here’s one of mine. I’ve been away from nursing too long to ever go back. It’s too late. Come on call me out. 

What Does Your Word Mean?

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Even when I have the best intentions, sometimes my word doesn’t mean a thing. When it comes to following through with other people I am usually spot on but when it comes to keeping my word with myself, not so much. Even as I type the words I realize how silly this all sounds. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who make plans with me and never follow through. It is one of the most offensive things someone can do to me. I’m not referring to the occasional cancellation of plans but the habitual, almost predictable kind that unfortunately never comes as any surprise. Starting today, I am going to do what I set out to do. No excuses, no backing out. My body was aching this morning when I got out of bed but I said I was going to go to yoga and make a trip to Target and I actually did. Was it easy? Nope. Did I enjoy it? Not a chance but it feels so good that I followed through on my own word. What is something you are working on getting better at? I’d love to hear about it.

Strong and Rooted

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I’ve often looked at a tree with envy. I can’t help but wonder how it would feel to stand majestic and strong as the winds of life just blow on through. I wonder how comforting it would be to feel so rooted that nothing or no one could tear me down. I think about how it would feel to bend with the flow without resisting or fighting what’s going to be. 

I guess that explains why tree pose is one of my favorites in yoga. When I start to feel afraid or threatened, you can find me practicing tree pose or holding warrior, standing tall and strong for just a moment.

Until Then

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I woke up very anxious today. To my surprise,  that old, familiar elephant was sitting on my chest. I’m finding it hard to catch a deep breath. Part of me wishes I could crawl back under the covers and go to sleep but my mind is on speed. In fact I feel like someone took the paddles and jolted me back into my body. Ive been floating above it watching from afar and that has allowed me to stay comfortably numb for awhile now. Not numb in a scary way. I’ve just had a long stretch of feeling more like myself, free from the heaviness on my chest that forces me to long for hours on my yoga mat praying to feel grounded. Maybe I will go outside and put my feet in the dirt and stand there for while. Maybe I will do nothing and just become one with it. Fighting doesn’t help. Sometimes I just have to wait it out. Eventually it will pass. Until then…

Are Your Windows Clean?

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There is one thing this time of year that always makes me extremely happy. I know it sounds silly but really it’s true. Cleaning My Windows! They say in yoga you need to clear space in your mind and body to make room for something new. I believe clean windows have that same effect. It is a reminder that all the crud and dirt builds up on our windows the way bad thoughts and toxins build up in our minds and bodies. It is necessary to take time to notice and scrub it all clean. Make room for something better, find some new focus and make a clean start. Besides, clean windows make for a much better view. 

Rambling 

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I don’t have anything particular to write about today. It’s hard to believe but my anxiety has disappeared and my mind is quiet. Coincidence?    I don’t think so. I do believe the two go hand and hand. I did take Writingbolts advice and I did yoga at home today. As soon as I started moving through the positions, I was swept away by a gentle calmness. I am grateful I found something that offers that type of relief for me. Today is a calm in my storm and I will bask in it’s stillness. How are you doing today?

From My Mat To Yours

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There is a pose in yoga that I find really uncomfortable. It’s called pigeon pose and it’s hard for me to settle into because I have really tight hips. Today, the more I relaxed, the more comfortable it became. Everytime I would exhale, I would focus on relaxing into the pose until finally, it started to feel really good. It reminded me to stop fighting against the situations that make me feel uncomfortable. Like in yoga, sometimes life requires us to settle in and give up our desire and instinct to resist whatever it is that is causing us to feel uneasy and stressed. Sometimes it is necessary to breathe into where we are until the struggle inside of us starts to subside. It is in that moment, that place, where we are able to relax enough to become unstuck from the emotions that tie us to a particular event. The theme for today, the reoccurring message seems to be, relax, breath and just let go. From my mat to yours, namaste.

Finally

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One thing I constantly strive for is self improvement. It’s taken me years to get my mind to a better place but following with actions is a whole different story. 

Actions or repetitive responses and behaviors are near impossible to change. First, the mind starts to think in another direction but our responses pull us back the other way. It is like a tug of war, push and pull and despite out best intentions, we are still left standing in the same place. 

I finally had a breakthrough today. As I was comfortably sprawled out on my yoga mat at the end of class today, I felt the usual feeling of contentment wash over me. It’s almost as if all the stress inside of me was vacuumed out and replaced with this feeling of calm and serenity. I live for those moment on my mat. Some days, those few minutes are the only time my anxiety ceases and peace exists. Today, for the first time ever, not only did I carry that peace out into the world with me but the first disturbing email I got didn’t steal it away from me. In the past, it only took one small mishap to bring me back to that horrible place. I hung onto that peace and I was able to finally grasp that sense of calm. It’s been hours since I left my yoga class and despite all the little things that could have driven me straight to crazy, I am still at peace. After years of trying, today I recognize, I am that peace.

It’s been a long time since I haven’t felt a sense of urgency or at the very least a hint of anxiety. I have taken baby steps in the right direction but today I reached my destination. My mantra the last few days has been a few simple words.

I will not allow anyone or anything to rob me of my sense of peace.

Today it finally happened. Change your thinking, change your life. A word of advice, just don’t expect it to happen over night.

Settling In

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I finally woke up with a new attitude. I admit, I have been listening to Wayne Dyers Divine Love. I think slowly but surely, I am settling in to the fine area between what I can control and what I can’t. Life is so unpredictable. It is unbelievable how our own life can change from one moment to the next. You go to bed at night as one person and wake up the next day as someone different. I’ve really been focused on allowing myself to flow and settle in to whatever is. No matter how hard I try and change something or how much I overthink it, I have to find peace in that uncomfortable place. It is my yoga instructor who described it beautifully today. She said you need to stop concentrating on the problem and settle in. So that is where I am today. Settling in and keeping myself grounded while I wait to see what comes out of this unexpected event. No matter how much you try and expect the unexpected, you’re never really ready for it when it hits.