Build A Wall

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How do you keep problems outside of your relationship from leaking in? Relationships are hard. They require commitment, patience, forgiveness and unconditional acceptance. If every couple lived on their own little island and in their own little world, you can bet those relationships would be very different than the ones in the real world. You have two people bringing all kinds of baggage to the table and slowly over the years, they feel safe enough to unpack. Add bills and kids and work, depression, frustration, you name it and the relationship gets buried underneath it all. Two wonderful people get trapped there suffocating in those little things that overnight seem to have gotten overwhelmingly big. It’s easy to stop seeing each other as human beings, man and woman and lose sight of the reasons you married each other all those years ago. When you were dating, your conversations were not consumed by problems and frustrations but rather focused on getting to know each other better. I know there is so much I don’t know about my own husband and plenty he doesn’t know about me. Somewhere along this journey we stopped talking about our dreams and became panicked about our reality. There are so many stressors constantly pulling both in so many directions and it’s hard to not lose each other along the way. It’s easier to act aggressively than it is to ask for love. It’s easier to stay angry then it is to let go of what is bothering you most. It’s easy to take your frustrations out on the closest person around and unfortunately, it is usually your spouse. So how do you push it all away and lock it outside?How do you prevent all those worries and all the stress from coming in between a bond that took you many, long years to build? There is no pill for that. No quick fix to magically melt the burdens of living away. It comes down to being accountable for your part in the relationship and making choices that will enhance the relationship and not tear it down. 

I challenge you and myself to build a wall around your marriage for one week and not let the problems of the world seep in. Do you think it’s possible? Are you willing to try?

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28 thoughts on “Build A Wall

  1. Did you really build the bond all those years, or did you build a quick fort and then fill it with other people and stuff? It sounds like the foundation was built without a well-laid interior. Maybe the electricity works. But, there’s something off with the plumbing.

    And, if there’s trouble from outside sources, myself included, you should be walling out things like the internet and television (news). Are YOU willing to try. I’ve already been there done that…except for the marriage part of the equation. 🙂 I once took a four month hiatus from the internet because it upset me too much.

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    • Oh my. Let’s see. It’s more like a garden. The roots are deep but there’s been unbelievable hail and no ones been cutting back the weeds. The flowers are still alive but they are weak and they are hard to see because the new growth is taking over.
      Believe it or not I haven’t turned on a tv in weeks. I’ve barely been on the internet except to blog which hasn’t been much and help search for photos that were easy to cite in APA format for my kids report because I don’t get the whole APA crap as it is and to expect an 8th grader to do it when the parents couldn’t even figure it out right! Don’t get me started. That started a war of frustration between my husband and myself because we had a difference of opinion on how to do it. AI’ve spent my week at school meeting with teachers and trying to straighten out things there to make life at home a little less stressful. The battery is dead on my car and my hot tub is leaking and the young men that came to look at it can’t figure out how to lift it so they have been here 3 times in two days and didn’t get anywhere. I’m not sleeping and everyone has the flu here and my husband has been out of town all week.
      Too many weeds! Not enough sun and water. Okay Mr. Plumber. Have a suggestion to fix that 🙂

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      • A garden has no roof unless it’s in a greenhouse. That’s an interesting metaphor…

        You DO post more blog posts than most people I find online. But, I am sure they come easier for you.

        You’ve got me thinking about the episode of Quantum Leap I saw last night with Sam trying to keep a couple together while they fought with a kid, a mentally challenged brother and an affair on the battlefield.

        Sounds like the repair crew is a bit inept for the job…

        Yep. You need a good night’s rest soon. Or, a few cups of Oolong tea and some pumpkin seeds for daily snacking. Those will help tame the nerves a bit.

        I dare not offer any other kind of treatment/medicine. :=)

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      • Did I say roof lol! You hit the nail on the head. Most people I deal with are inept and it is exhausting. I actually fell asleep a little while ago and the dark lawn guys came which I appreciate but they woke me to a startled state. I hope we all feel better soon. Life doesn’t stop when you’re sick. And I’m starved. Still no food here and still moths so how in the world are they surviving? The good thing is I am so tired that my nerves and my mind are numb and that is a fantastic thing 🙂

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      • No, but I was using a house metaphor; and you switched it to a garden one. I had to adjust analogies for relationship aspects in my mind.

        Okay, stop right there. When you say most people you deal with are inept, you sound like Miss Piggy thinking the world needs to bow before her greatness. You’re running hot at full steam and trampling the vineyards of people not as hyped or motivated as you. You might step on some nice, slower people.

        Dark lawn guys? Do they wear purple robes and tote scythes while chanting in low tones?

        Okay, seriously? Get that food situation fixed ASAP! That is priority one next to getting sleep. That alone would drive me up a wall. You need to eat, woman! 🙂

        Moths, like any pest, find a way to thrive in the worst of conditions. I still say it’s God sending you a message. And, you touched on it the last time we discussed those moths.

        Yyyea…it sounds like yer one step from passing out. Be careful.

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      • I wish I could pass out. I would finally get the rest that I need. I have respect and love toward all people, even inept ones. I don’t like helping everyone figure out to do everything. However, I do it very politely. I am able to smile and be sweet because I can release it later by blogging about it. One of my biggest pet peeves is disrespect or feeling people are beneath you. But, that being said, some people do have more common sense than others and I am happy to report I do fall into that category. I am picking up a pizza when I get my kid from school, eating it in bed while catching up on months of my soap opera until finally I fall asleep 🙂 That is the plan. Thank goodness my daughter is home sick or I wouldn’t have a working car…

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      • No, if you did pass out, the world would trample you into a coma. Your family would call your name, but you’d be gone. I don’t see it as a good thing unless you’re done living.

        If I loved and respected people, I wouldn’t call them inept… I’d figure out what they are good at and approve them for that. But, since I am more of a cynical, paranoid, blunt object, I can’t say I love and respect everyone…..or even most people.

        No, see, I hate that. I hate the fake smiles and politeness to cover the truth for later release. Sure, I’ve done some form of that at work, but it sucks and messes with your head. I’d rather avoid those that would make me want to fake a smile than face hundreds of them and do the same. I’d rather unload on them in their faces than fake all those smiles.

        I don’t often think of people as beneath me. But, plenty prove very quickly that I have no need to involve myself with them. If I have to work with them to make things function, wish me luck. But, past experience tells me I am better off going into the woods to find edible berries and avoid itching plants.

        You THINK you have more good sense. That’s the trick of the ego/control “freak’s” mind. When people pay me compliments, I think I must be as smart as they say. When they tell me I am wrong or make me feel like a jerk, I question my previous self-assessment. In the end, I figure thinking too much of myself is the problem. It led to my first big depression/meltdown. I was the worst Alex P. Keaton next to Alex P. Keaton.

        Months of soap operas? What did I just say about TV?

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      • Remember t v is an escape for me and believe me I am very hard on myself. I don’t believe for one second I am smarter but I do have the ability to think my way through things instead of waiting for someone to do it for me. You play with my words and that’s not fair.

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      • Yes, but just like peanut MnMs, we can’t stuff the whole bag down our gullets and expect to go on with our day without a bellyache. Watch three days of soaps and call it a day. Not a month’s worth or more. I once binge-watched an anime series that ran for roughly 48 episodes over 5 DVDs. What was aired probably over a period of three years, I watched in three days. And, when I was done, I didn’t want to come back to the real world. I was so engrossed in what I just watched, it felt like that world was just beyond some watery star gate. I had no one to share my feelings with because the show was “so old” and no one I know really watches that much anime…if any. So, I returned to work with a head full of nonsense and nowhere to go with/unload it. No blog would satisfy that. I was stuck.

        Well, anyone could say that about themselves. Not just you. It’s laziness that slows our reaction time down. And, though I hate to think it, I think people–unless they reaaaaaally like putting others first–don’t jump on the needs of others as fast as they do their own other than voicing opinions.

        No further comment on what I play with. 🙂 I don’t mean to be unfair.

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      • :O I don’t know if I should be hurt by the honesty or proud of my bruises. 🙂

        I will take that as a complisult. I do think we’d have a lot of fun together as classmates. 🙂

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      • I got that word from an episode of Community. It has been used here in a few blogs, as well. It’s also something others refer to as a backhanded compliment (of which I have been known to give). You start with one and end with the other. I usually start with the harsh words and then try to smooth things over with something positive. 😛 Unless I can only see the negative; which usually means I am not being very sympathetic.

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      • Why do I give backhanded compliments? Or, why do I smooth things over after risking injury to someone’s ego? Should I be more like a certain music “judge” named Simon or kiss ass like his coworker/boss?

        I guess I just speak from the gut like some people fire a gun. If I feel passionately enough about something, I fire off! BAM! And, sometimes, I can’t seem to help myself when I wander through the land of “social media.” [Gosh I am sick of that term; and it’s just getting started. But, maybe by 2020, a new term will arise to annoy me.]

        I also have a deep resentment for “buttering.” If I ever kiss a boot, someone should probably shoot me. It’s bad enough I cower to pretty faces.

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      • You are preaching to the editor of the newspaper. 😛 I dele and stet where I please. I mind everyone’s P’s and cues. And, don’t you dare pee on my cues. 🙂

        So, you like zombie stories then? 😛 I have sadly watched soaps for a few years and got tired of all of it, except for a few pretty faces…like that “Liz” on General Hospital…meow. 🙂 Or, the original Asian Blair from One Life to Live who hooked up with Max briefly. Or, Marty who was vexed by Todd Manning and fell for that Irish bloke with the macaroni hair. ehem. Anyway.

        I’m pretty much done with soaps. 🙂 Pretty much. Don’t quote me if some relationship of mine has me sitting through some episode(s) one day; and then I eventually claw my face and scream, “No! I said I was done with this tripe. I am going for a walk. See ya!”

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      • Diedra Hall…I had such a HUGE crush on her as Electra Woman. 😀

        Yea, that is kinda creepy. 🙂 Or, rather…let’s be polite here…it’s…odd…it’s uncommon in social circles we know of…it’s…a bit depressing and a sign of what’s missing in our lives. There; that sounds honest and not like we need another “weirdo” label.

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      • She’s a scorpio pig and possibly a Greek goddess. I think her and I would really hit it off…and then I’d be ex-husband number 5 because of some distrusting moon factor.

        I am not a weirdo…..harumph. 🙂 If anything I am a bit Robin Williams zany.

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      • Uh…I Googled… I’ve been doing that with a number of pretty celebrity faces, lately. I have been swooning over Priyanka Chopra, Rachael Stirling and Ashley Benson most recently. I’m also in this astrology study mode, again, checking people’s charts for perks.

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  2. There are so many things that can creep into a marriage which can destroy it. Marriage is worth protecting. Some things are unavoidable, but we can do our best to protect it from outside sources and even from our own personal moments of anger and frustrations. Marriages can last, if we want it to and do our part.

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