Do you Grow Others or Deflate Them?

The world can seem so small sometimes. Not in its size but in its actions. As individuals we just want to feel loved and wanted and accepted, at least by the people in our inner circles. Often I wonder if we are aware of how we make others feel. I’ve watched people grow or completely deflate as a direct result of how someone treats them. Do you ever ask yourself, what are my words and actions telling the people in my life? Am I making them feel cherished and special or am I making them feel unwanted, unloved?

I wrote a post in December about what my son had planned out when my daughter came home for Christmas break. For a week he talked about getting two inflatable decorations for each side of the driveway and he also filled her room with all kinds of balloons. How do you think that made her feel when she arrived home and what does that say about the kind of person he is to want to purposely make her feel special?

This is a reminder to be more patient when you talk, more attentive when someone is around and more appreciative of the ones who go the extra mile to make you feel good about yourself for no particular reason at all. These people are our heroes of kindness and civility and are often the ones who crave the same kind of love and kindness they give so freely. Remember that today as you interact with those around you. Awareness is the key to change. Pay attention to how people react to you. Are you making them smile or shrink? What is their response? How are you making them feel? You have a chance every single day to build someone up or tear them down. Be accountable for your words and actions and how they affect everyone around you. Do good. Be kind and make the world a nicer place.

Which Side Are You On?

When we choose our actions and words in response to spite, anger or anything else that is a negative place, we all lose. Life is not a competition. In the end, we die. Each and everyone of us. Why is it so difficult to think and act from a place of love? Why are we compelled to argue and fight when we were intended to love. When all your energy goes into everything but loving one another, what happens to the love? If we look around and answer honestly, there is evidence all around us that anger and discord have replaced unity and love. Our desire to be right far outweighs our desire for peace. It’s hard to sit back helplessly and watch it happen. Wherever energy is directed, that is what we get more of. We think we have the right to pick and choose who deserves our love and respect and yes we do have that choice. But when it comes down to it, you either love or you don’t. I hope I can do my own part to bring peace and kindness into the world around me. My world may be small and my influence small, but I hope I can send a ripple that reaches further than I could ever imagine. Judging others and trying to control others actions does not come from a place of love. Control causes conflict especially when someone thinks they have the right to choose how everyone else should live. If you don’t do anything else today, ask yourself these question. Are my thoughts coming from a place of love? Are my words loving, judging or hateful? At least be aware of where you really are today. Be mindful of WHO you are and what energy you are putting out and attracting back. We can change the world for the worst or make it better. Which side are you really on?

What If We Miss the Mark?

I bought expensive shampoo because I am having some serious hair issues. Yesterday I squeezed too much out of a bottle that is already almost empty. 

 Our time is like that too.

 We only have so much of it and when we waste a chunk of it carelessly, we can’t open up our lives and pour that time back in. It’s easy to think we are spending our time on something meaningful and important. We long to change the world and leave our mark long after we’re gone. The thing is, how do we know what is important to the heart and what feeds our need for power within? I know my heart longs for connection. Our actions and our words and our crusade to change the world is breaking down those connections a little more everyday. We are the sum of our parts and when some of our parts are broken off because of our own actions, we can never be whole. Just something to think about today. 

Make Monday Great Again!

“Mom, are you still going to make me French toast?”

Every fiber in my being was screaming no, you can’t get up but the mother in me knew she had to do it anyway. This was the morning after spring break, the day we become imprisoned by school, work and schedules. The problem is, it was a really tough night of no sleep. I haven’t been feeling well for a few days but last night really took the cake. I finally fell asleep with a cough drop in my mouth and I am extremely grateful I didn’t choke on it in my sleep.

Just as I began to force myself out of bed, I heard my husband say, “Ive got this, go back to sleep”.  So here I am just waking up and feeling much better than I did at 6:00am. Someone needs you to be kind today and just like me they will know you are the reason their day is so much better. Be that person. Make Monday great again!

Keeping Your Word

Over the years, I have recognized that keeping my word is important and necessary. If my words are not consistent with my actions, then my words mean nothing. 

It’s been hard for me to have respect for someone who says one thing and does another. It is a breach of trust that is hard to repair and it takes a great deal of time to build back up. What you do and what you say determines if someone will find you trustworthy and believable. It’s so important to speak the truth even in situations that are difficult. Speak who you are and not who you want to be and don’t say things that you think someone else wants to hear. Own your words and follow through with your actions. Remember to do what you say and say what you’ll do.

Do YOU Mean What You Say?

When you say something, do you mean it? Do people take you seriously? I guess what I’m asking is, do you back your words up with action?

I realized I excel very well in this category with one exception. I do not follow through when it comes to my kids. Crazy when I think about it. If I want anyone in the world to learn from my example, it would be my two kids. I’ve been sending them mixed messages and it must be pretty confusing.

Today, I decided to start over. I told them both they were not leaving this house under any circumstance, until they cleaned their rooms. My son started the nonsense of a bad attitude and I reminded him he brought this on himself. I didn’t back down and I didn’t engage in defending my position. I am happy to report that the entire upstairs is sparkling clean and all three of us survived.

Let this be a reminder to do everything all the way. If there is one important lesson to teach year kids, it is being disciplined enough to make your words mean something. How else will you ever get anyone to believe and respect you if your words are just that, words. 

Fear or Love?

They say we are driven by one of two things, fear or love. I’ve heard that notion at least a million times but today I was able to understand it in a new way. Words, that’s all they were for awhile until I really considered the depth and magnitude behind the letters all jumbled together. 

Lately, I have been really focusing on practicing and encouraging kindness in my blogs. I realize through many comments that kindness is perceived two different ways. Maybe not the act of kindness itself but the thought of limiting the amount of kindness for fear of being taken advantage of. The way I see it, is kindness is a gift we give from the heart. We do it expecting nothing in return and sometimes not even getting a simple thank you. I guess the question I have is how can I be taken advantage of if I am truly doing something nice for someone simply because I want to? I am the only one who can choose to give my time, my words, my help, my money so it really has little to do with the person on the receiving end. Then you have those people who jump willingly into the front seat of the kindness train because they really want to be part of the movement. I can’t help but wonder, what is the difference between the two? Maybe the fear based mind is afraid if they give too much of anything there will not be enough left for themselves. Think about it, if I volunteer most of my time, will people expect me to always do it and then how much time will be left for me? Or, if I give and see the difference the little things I do make, it will simply make me happy that I can make others happy too. The mindsets are both fascinating and interesting at the same time.

I have shared that I have been holding myself back on living my life lately, at least living to my full potential. Today I asked myself some pretty tough questions including is that thought/ decision based on fear or love? Fear. That nasty little f word has been holding me back for so many years and I just won’t allow it anymore. When you act from a place of love, and think from a place of love and care for yourself from a place of love, can you imagine how different your life can become when you’ve spent years living from a place of fear? I can’t wait to start living again. I can already see doors that have been locked flying open again and I am so excited to walk through them.

What Will YOU Contribute?

Everything we say, everything we do, everything we think contributes to the world that unfolds before us. What will your contribution be?

The Year of Letting Go

I decided this year would be my year of letting go. What will I be letting go of you wonder? Whatever no longer serves me. Today, I have recognized the value of letting my opinion of others actions to come to a halt. Why in the world would I waste my own time and energy wondering about and judging the actions of someone else? For the most part I think I have already come a long way in this department but today I was reminded there is always room for more growth. The truth is, we could never really know the reason anyone does anything at all. We can think we know, but at the end of the day, unless we are actually inside someone’s head we can never really know for sure. Don’t we have enough to worry about when it comes to our own actions anyway? Maybe we should focus on why we do the things we do or better yet, why we continue to do the same old thing that never seems to get us what we really want.

What will you be letting go of this year? I’d love to hear about it.

In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter?

So, Chase brought home a paper he was working on today. The entire assignment was based on the quote, “In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter? The more and more I thought about it, the more I could see the importance on so many levels. Initially, I interpreted the quote the way he did, basically meaning “don’t sweat the small stuff”.

On a day to day basis, make a mental list of the things you blow out of proportion. How many times do you overreact or tend to make a mountain out of a molehill? Something may seem like such a big deal in the heat of the moment but in the entire scheme of our lifetime, is that one one thing really the big deal we made it out to be? Is it really a tragedy that someone did not vacuum the room the way we expected or that someone did something differently than the expectation we had in our head? Is our reaction appropriate to the event at hand or do we need to take a closer look at our words and actions and find a way to keep them in check?

The quote can be interpreted in another positive way as well. In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter?” Meaning, in the course of our lifetime, how important is it and how much should we make it matter? Our words and our actions tell the story of who we are. How we treat ourselves and others tells the world a great deal about the condition of our heart and especially our character. Your words DO matter. You should take time to study how you use your words. Are you kind? Critical? Opiniated? Compassionate? Choose your words wisely, because at the end of your lifetime they will truly define you. Now ask yourself this question as you crawl in bed tonight. In the course of your lifetime, what will you decide matters?